He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
