So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
