On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You ruined the universe
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
