I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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