My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
