thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I need a beard to bite.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
