he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
