I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
