i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
