I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
