I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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