he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He did a backflip because drugs
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
