Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
