I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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