I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
