Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize