Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
