That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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