They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
