I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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