and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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