The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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