i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
