I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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