you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
