speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
