i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
