ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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