the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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