i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize