God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
