Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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