I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
