Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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