My hair reeks of homosexuality.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What a dumb baby whore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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