The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
