Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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