I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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