you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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