Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize