The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
