We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
