Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
