we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize