I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
