I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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