wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
