Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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