just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
