Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize