oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
