Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
