There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
