if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
