So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
