Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize