Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
