put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
