I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
