I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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