I think I am morally bankrupt
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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