called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
