Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
