Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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