you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
