It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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