Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize