I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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