So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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