just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
