instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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