I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
