My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
