Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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