my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
