the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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