I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am available for nakedness
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
