Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
